Dreams in the night, break in the morn.

"I believe God has dreams for me. But every attempt to step into these dreams has been a repeated scene of shooting myself in the foot. The circumstances change, but the shooting and my foot are in each scene. After each repeated failure, I have less confidence anything will ever change. I have these longings, these dreams, that I’ve always thought were from God, aching to be released. But far more often I just hurt, confuse, and frustrate the very people and environments I long to bless. It's as if nobody but me can see the dream, and there are insurmountable obstacles at every turn. "

Oh these dreams. These desires. Sometimes the thought of them consume me. I don't want to sleep. I only want to act. If I had my way, Sleep would not be an option. But as much as I dream, I feel like everytime I come close to a dream, somehow, someway, I shoot myself in the foot. Something always happens that ends the the closeness to the dream.

I have had a dream of being in college.. That desire, that dream still festers up daily. Knowing that I could be furthering my education somewhere, knowing that others are doing it as well, but knowing that I can't kills me. I was so close to being able to go this past year.. but money fell through.

Sometimes I wonder about dreaming... Is it really good for us to dream?
Dream:

an aspiration; goal; aim: A trip to Europe is his dream.

a wild or vain fancy.

–noun

1.	the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best: to give up hope.

2.	a particular instance of this feeling: the hope of winning.

3.	grounds for this feeling in a particular instance: There is little or no hope of his recovery.

4.	a person or thing in which expectations are centered: The medicine was her last hope.

5.	something that is hoped for: Her forgiveness is my constant hope.

–verb (used with object)

6.	to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.

7.	to believe, desire, or trust: I hope that my work will be satisfactory.

Are we supposed to dream? I believe that we're supposed to hope.. but are we supposed to dream? Is dreams nothing more than a vain fancy? I can't quite explain dreams and goals.. I only know that somehow along the way, I dreamed of alot. And achieved little. It's disheartening.
That quote holds so much to me. But there's one part that I want to add in there. And it goes like this

"It's as if nobody but me can see the dream, and there are insurmountable obstacles at every turn. And what's worse, nobody would believe I could achieve these dreams."

I feel like I'm put into a box by people. People take one look at me, and judge what I can, or cannot do. A lot of times I wonder if I believe in myself to much... maybe I need to tone it down. Then maybe when my dreams are shattered, it won't hurt so much.

This is a weird blog for me... Just stuff that's been on my mind that I needed to get out. Nobody reads this stuff anyway, but it feels good to write it out.