Ok.. So Sunday night was an amazing night. Anybody that was there by the lake can attest to it. And for the first time, in a long time, I cried... Which may not seem that big to anybody else.. But It showed actual emotions. Emotions I had long buried, and hidden from the world.
A while ago, I cut off any and all emotion that I had.. The only thing I let slip through, was anger. I didn't really care about anybody, I didn't care for myself, and had no problem doing stupid stuff that could kill me, because in general, I wanted to die. I had no real friends, and I didn't care to have any..
Over time, that has changed alot.. I have changed alot.. I no longer curse God, I no longer blame him for stuff... And slowly.. my attitude has changed about life...
I have an amazing group of friends. EAch is special in there on way, but I'm not going to list names... They know who they are, and who special they are to me and the world. I've grown at an amazing rate with God.. And all sorts of stuff.. I could go on and on about the changes.. but that's not what this is about.
When I was struggling with life in general... I built up alot of defenses. I threw up trust barriers that nobody could get through... I prefected a mask, in which nobody could see through. I didn't hurt, I didn't feel.. I was a walking tin man. But over time, things happened, and I realized HOW much at the lake that night... I cried.
God has been throwing down my defenses, he's been breaking my barriers, and giving me a new start.. When I realized how much God had done in my life, I lost it.. And for the first time since Kids Camp.. I cried in front of people.. Not just people, but close friends. I didn't worry, or care what they thought. All I knew was God had saved me from myself... Or what I thought was myself.
In the end.. I realized that I was finally seeing the REAL me. The one I had been searching for, and couldn't find. But not only have I been seeing the real me myself... but I've been allowing others to see my heart. I've been laying myself out open on the table for others to see... and it's... astounding. The freedom in the air, the closeness I feel to God and my friends. The love of LIFE. All life.
So standing there, on the dock at starbucks, I met with God once again. And he threw down another defense, and said "cry". Cry for others. Cry for the pain that others are feeling. Cry for the joy that you know will come to them when it's over, because you know it's going to come to them. Open yourself up, and cry before people you consider friends, and see what happens. And you know what happened? Nothing. They didn't say anything, they didn't make fun of me, nothing. I was afraid of nothing. And once again, the astounding, and amazing God knew that.
So don't be afraid to cry. For yourself, and for others. It sounds funny to say that, but even now my spirit is crying. My spirit is crying out to God, Demanding a Revolution. And it's coming. The Revolution in this world, and in my life, is just beginning. It's been past time for us to stand up, and be real with the people around us. SO now my friends, and family in Christ. Join me. Join me for this amazing Revolution. Because like it or not, it's coming. And your going to be along for the ride.
1 comment:
There was a time in my youth that I too was very successful at shutting off emotion. My heroes were Spock and Data from Star Trek, and my theme song was "I am a Rock" by Simon and Garfunkel.
When I grew older I learned that the key is not to avoid emotions or to bury them. The key is to control emotions so that they do not control you. As it talks about in Ecclesiastes chapter 3, there is a time to laugh and a time to weep.
It is good to see you growing in God and maturing in ways that I can connect with myself.
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